Toddler Sleep Tips
Toddlers are awesome - they are mobile, (sometimes) verbal, and so much fun to play with! They are also learning to assert themselves and test boundaries including, quite often, sleep boundaries. In my sleep consulting practice I have heard from parents whose toddlers are climbing out of their cribs, refusing naps, seeking attention at bedtime, waking through the night for bottles, wandering into their parents’ bed and so much more. Whether you are currently in the thick of toddler sleep struggles, or want to know how to prevent issues before they arise, keep reading for my favorite toddler tips!
Setting lovingly firm boundaries is truly a gift to your child, who craves security, and a gift to yourself, who craves easy bedtimes and great nights.
1. Keep your toddler in the crib until age 3
The crib-to-bed transition is a big deal! Children are granted a new freedom of movement. For some children this transition comes along with a major set back in sleep habits. To ensure the easiest possible transition, nearly all sleep experts recommend keeping your child in the crib until age 3.
Why? Before age 3, many children are not mature enough to understand the rules that come with sleeping in a bed, including staying IN this new bed during the night.
If you are struggling with your toddler’s sleep and thinking “maybe a new sleep space will fix this” - think again. You may soon have your child fretting after you tuck them in, leaving the room after being tucked in, or climbing into your bed in the middle of the night. Transition to a bed is most successful when the child is already sleeping well in the crib.
Of course, if your child is already masterful at climbing out and is at risk of getting hurt, then a bed is necessary. But as the saying goes, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
2. Skip the blanket and embrace the sleep sack.
A lot of parents wonder at what age their child is ready for a blanket instead of a sleep sack. My answer - not until your child moves to a bed. Why? I’ll give you 3 reasons.
Sleep sacks are a great sleep cue. If your baby has always worn a sleep sack for naps and bedtime, removing it is removing a comforting sleep cue! Sleep sacks are also great PORTABLE sleep cues. You can send sleep sacks to day care and easily bring them on vacation.
Sleep sacks ensure your child stays warm and cozy. Babies and toddlers are notoriously active sleepers and move around A LOT during sleep. Blankets are often kicked off or moved around during the night, and some children wake up cold and call for their blanket to be replaced. Who wants that?? (If your child is under 3 and already in a bed, I still recommend dressing them in a footed sleep sack for exactly this reason.)
Sleep sacks can inhibit crib climbers. While appropriately size sleep sacks should be loose enough around the body and legs for comfort, they can still be a physical deterrent for little Houdinis who ponder climbing out of the crib. If your child has already learned to zip themselves out of the sleep sack - put it on backwards so they can't reach the zipper!
3. Don’t assume your toddler is ready to drop the nap
“My kid stopped napping the day she turned 2!”
“We went on vacation and my kiddo never napped again”
“Your kid is already 3? Don’t you think he should stop napping?”
You have probably heard (or said!) one or more of the above statements. Toddler naps can be so finicky! The truth is most kids really do need a nap until at least 3 years old. And some continue to need that nap through age 4 or even 5. So what to do when your 18 month old/2 year old/3 year old refuses a nap?
Before assuming they are ready to drop a nap, consider that your child is going on a “nap strike.” Nap strikes do not mean the end of napping forever, but a temporary disruption of your child’s regular nap routine. Nap strikes may occur during developmental leaps (language acquisition, learning new physical skills) or due to toddler stubbornness. More often than not, the nap will return after a week or two if you stay consistent, continue to offer nap time at the appropriate time, make sure the room is adequately dark, give your child at least 60 minutes to settle down to sleep, and offer an early bedtime whenever nap is missed.
4. Do the final step of your toddler’s bedtime routine after you turn off the light
Not all children express fear of the dark, but don’t be surprised if your child, who once happily slept without a night light, now starts expressing a fear of the dark . Between the ages of 2 and 3 the lines between reality and pretend start to blur for children and fear of the dark can emerge seemingly out of the blue.
In addition to introducing a dim, warm-colored (red or orange) night light to your child’s room, my big tip here is to spend a few moments in the dark with your child before leaving the room. Rather than going through your whole bedtime routine, tucking in your child, saying goodnight, then turning out the light on your way out the door try this:
Do your bedtime routine, tuck your child into crib/bed, turn off the light, then sit by your child’s crib/bed for a few minutes to sing your final song, say a bedtime prayer, or fill up your toddler’s “love tank” (see next tip below!). Spending a few moments with your child while their eyes get acclimated to the darkness goes a long way toward normalizing the dark and helping your child feel comfortable even after you’ve left the room.
5. Fill up your toddler’s “love tank” during your bedtime routine
Toddlers and older children crave connection and loving attention. Bedtime is a wonderful opportunity to share a few moments of uninterrupted love and admiration for your child! After you've read your book(s) and turned off the light, sit with your child in the darkened room for a minute and try one or more of these ideas to fill up your child's love tank for the night:
Share something you love about each other ("I love that you are so silly!")
Share something you are proud of your child for ("I'm proud of you for trying that new food today")
Talk about your favorite things you did that day
Repeat daily affirmations together ("I am kind, I am curious, I am honest, I am myself")
Talk about something you are excited to do together the next day ("I can't wait to have a dance party together after school!")
6. Get rid of the bedtime cup/bottle of milk
Because I love lists, let me lay out 4 reasons why it’s time to end the bedtime cup or bottle of milk:
Drinking milk is a sleep association. You’ll see this if your toddler wakes up in the middle of the night asking for milk or will only go back to sleep with a bottle. Especially for those still drinking from bottles, that repetitive sucking is a soothing behavior and one that is helping calm them into their sleepy place. Learning to get ready for bed without the milk means your child is less likely to wake during a lighter phase of sleep looking for the milk to help them get sleepy again.
Drinking milk right before bed (even if it’s at the start of the bedtime routine) will lead to a full bladder in the middle of the night. Even if your child is not yet potty trained, full bladders are uncomfortable and may be causing night wakes. Even worse is if your child is soaking through diapers due to all the liquid.
Drinking milk right before bed causes blood sugar spikes and drops which may cause night wakes. Toddlers are fully capable of going 12 hours without eating overnight, and putting your child to bed with a full stomach in the hopes that your child will sleep longer can actually backfire. Let’s not introduce blood sugar spikes and digestion troubles into the nighttime mix!
Drinking milk after tooth brushing can cause cavities.
So what to do about your milk-loving child? Make that cup of milk their dessert! Or offer it along with dinner. I recommend at least an hour in between milk and bedtime. Replace that part of your bedtime routine with an extra book or connection point of your choice.
7. Validate your child’s big feelings without rescuing them from their big feelings
Here’s a little scenario. You’ve been on vacation and sharing a room out of necessity. You’re finally back home, you tuck your toddler into her own crib in her own room where she has slept her whole life (except for this vacation), and she screams “no! stay here!” and will not settle. So you do. You sit in her room until she calms and falls asleep, then you sneak out. Four hours later she is up screaming again for you. You go back in and stay in the room until she settles. Fast forward four weeks and you have now set up a blow up mattress in your toddler’s room because she “can’t” fall asleep or stay asleep without you there.
Sound familiar? I have heard so many different versions of this exact situation. And parents don’t know how to get out of it. But it’s quite simple - you don’t have to make your child’s big feelings go away. In fact, you shouldn’t. Big feelings (anger, sadness, nervousness, frustration) are a part of life and it is a disservice to your child to make sure they never feel them. I would argue that our job as parents is to support our children as they experience these big feelings.
There is a huge difference between supporting your child through their big feelings around sleep (“I know you want me to stay in your room, it was different on vacation wasn’t it? I’ll come check on you so you know I’m around”) and rescuing them from their feelings (“Ok, I’ll sit here until you fall asleep”).
8. When your child finally drops the nap, start a daily “quiet time”
Let’s be real - when your child stops napping it can bring up a whole bunch of emotions: bittersweet happiness that your toddler is growing up, but also hair-pulling frustration that you, the parent, have lost your mid-day break. I’m supposed to entertain and attend to my child for an entire day without pause?? It can be a truly overwhelming change.
Well I am here to share a not-so-secret solution to the dropped nap - quiet time! Just because your child no longer requires a daily nap, doesn’t mean your child can go-go-go all day without a break. Young children greatly benefit from some down time in the afternoon to rest their bodies and minds. And their caregivers absolutely benefit from that mid-day break too!
So how do you incorporate quiet time into your day? Quiet time should happen in your child’s room and should start when the nap used to occur - usually right after lunch. Your child is already used to this break in the schedule and, if you’re in that just-dropped-a-nap-but-sometimes-they-really-still-need-a-little-nap phase, your child might actually fall asleep for a bit. That is ok! For quiet time I recommend quiet toys like dolls, stuffed animals, little figurines, blocks, trains, duplos, stickers and paper, and piles of books to look through. No electronics!
If you're thinking, "but my child has never played alone for more than 2 minutes...how is quiet time ever going to happen?" check out my blog post for tips on how to gradually introduce and build up to a really great quiet time!
9. Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.
This is really a general parenting tip, but is absolutely essential when shaping your toddler’s sleep habits. Toddlers crave routine and knowing what comes next. Toddlers also love to test boundaries. And when you let your toddler’s boundary testing change your response at bedtime, you can start your descent down a slippery slope.
Let’s give a basic example. Your bedtime routine includes reading two books before tucking in your kiddo, giving a kiss, and saying goodnight. Tonight, your child says “read one more book please!” “It’s bedtime now and we’ve already read our two books,” you say. “But I really want to read one more!” Who can say no to a book-loving kid, right? So you grab another book off the shelf, and your child enjoys an extra few minutes with you. No harm done. Except tomorrow night, when 3 books turns into 4 books, turns into asking for a sip of water, etc and suddenly you’re having trouble leaving the room at bedtime. None of these requests are outrageous, and yet bedtime is less predictable and more drawn out.
Is every situation like this? Of course not! Maybe your child really just wanted one more book that once. But if you have a toddler going through a boundary-pushing phase, the best and most loving thing you can do at bedtime is to BE CONSISTENT. Two books means two books. One sip of water before bed means one sip of water before bed. The door to the room stays closed even when your child asks for it to be opened tonight. Setting lovingly firm boundaries is truly a gift to your child, who craves security, and a gift to yourself, who craves easy bedtimes and great nights.
Rachel Glantz is the certified pediatric sleep consultant and founder of Pine Street Sleep LLC.
